in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
