i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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