office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
