That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
