Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
His hands were made for my vagina.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
