Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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