I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
