my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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