The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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