Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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