i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I need a beard to bite.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
