11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
