the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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