No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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