Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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