Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
