We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
