dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
