party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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