I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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