when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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