the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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