Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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