Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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