Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We just shotgunned beers for America
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
