I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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