I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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