Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
