The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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