We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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