Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
