Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
