Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
