is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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