I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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