hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
