he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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