Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
