You really coming over, don't trick.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
