Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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