my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
