Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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