bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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