If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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