I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
