I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
