sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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