Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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