my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
