Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
