I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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