Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
