I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
