OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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